Nature Diary

The Sixth day of the week
Main image – Deep Thoughts and Reflective Moments

Chinese trumpet-creeper St Clements Churchyard

Music Score – Deep Thoughts – Morning Light Music

Common Passion Flower

It’s been a crazy week,
…. and still, it’s only just Friday!
All l want to do is shriek!
Yell and shout, ‘just go away!’
Leave me be,
… Let me alone,
Don’t be so mean,
Find another home!
…. but it’s only just Friday,
The sixth day of the week.

This week has been somewhat annoying. It’s ONLY Friday. There is still Saturday to go.

The blog is just coming to the end of its second ‘live week’. I gave myself four working weeks to fiddle with it being live before l opted to get all technical with it and start cranking out SEO and the such; l wanted to iron out any crinkles and creases first. So far, l am happy with things. Well, as far as the blog goes, anyway. But l am in control of the blog and that makes a big difference.

Lots of things l can’t control, like waiting for the allotment and any news on that, or waiting to hear properly about the potentiality of a warden’s job, BUT that is worthy of an entire blog post of its own!

Now l have to wait on the efficiency and speed of the National Health Service, and l have been told [by me] not to give all of this any undue thought and stress me out. But Murphy might have other plans for my life again. What’s new? The frustration is that l don’t have time for this!

I have gotten used to a certain level of pain and discomfort for so many months now, and by that, l mean l guess since late 2020, October time. The strange chest pains began then. I thought l was out of shape, so I started to increase my walking and exercising, and l stopped living a sedentary lifestyle – not that l ever did, but my life today is non-stop whereas before it wasn’t on ALL GO like now.

Suze’s cancer in 2020-2022 gave me a wake-up call – THERE is no guarantee with life! But we know this. If we don’t, we are being naive. So l decided to achieve as much as l could, have less time doing nothing and become more active.

Last year l WAS just that – active, and all of this year, l have also been active.

I opted to become more ‘real’, be the realist or pragmatist. I had thought of being the uber-positive one – l am optimistic, but l realised and understood that being a pragmatist was more positive anyway. Be a rationalist or even a relativist. Yes, that is the philosophy l want.

All this year, l have been 80% pragmatic about life and 20% motivated by my positivity. It’s easier to be a realist, true dogmatist, or thinker. I have always been that.

In the last 24 hours alone, l have been thinking about my positivity versus my pragmatism and which one l will decide to use to get me through the coming weeks.

I mean, with a life with no guarantee, none of us know what is around the proverbial corner. We must turn the corner to find out if we will continue walking or fall into a giant hole.

We as people need to know that the worst thing about knowing is unknowing and not knowing and waiting to know. I am currently in the early days of waiting to know. I don’t know much at present, but l know that my positivity will take a back seat, and my pragmatism will start ruling the days ahead.

The doctor’s appointment yesterday went well in so far as finally meeting a doctor who listened to me and was very alarmed at what l said. “You are such a pragmatist,” she said. “Were it not for the pandemic, would you have rung for an ambulance following these attacks?”

I answered honestly, “I don’t know, maybe not. I tend only to bother the medical industry when l am ill or have a leg dropping off. I don’t like to waste people’s time.”

“You mustn’t think like that, l feel you might be ill, and because l am worried about some of your described symptoms and what l can see from my examination, l am going to fast track you, get this looked into fast. It’s precautionary only, but we have to check for cancer. Your oesophagus is the only thing that hasn’t recently been investigated, and we need to examine that. It might just be an oesophagal ulcer or something nasty along those lines and not cancer, so bloods tomorrow, and you should hear from the hospital very soon.”

Suze thought l was being blase about the fast-tracking and my lack of concern. It wasn’t that – l hadn’t twigged that fast-tracking was ONLY associated with cancer testing; l thought it meant they would get me in faster for a potential ulcer treatment plan and l wouldn’t be waiting months.

But this morning, on the way back from giving blood, l asked me how l would be if it were something other than an ulcer. Well, l guess the pragmatist would take over from the optimist, and l would cross every bridge one step at a time.

Life is as it is, there are no guarantees to anything. Although you can’t help but become a little subdued by it all especially given how so very unwell l have been in the last month alone …

This morning’ walk.

Designs – Earthly Comforts – Inspired by Nature – see collection here

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Thanks for reading.

Published by The Autistic Composter

Earthly Comforts is a wildlife journaling scrapbook focusing on the countryside, wildlife biodiversity and environmental conservation, flora and fauna volunteering projects, gardening, composting and vermiculture, inspiration, poetry and photography.

23 thoughts on “Nature Diary

      1. Urgent Treatment? Are they doing an endoscopy? You get light IV anesthesia with that one.

        Mr Murphy was having a wonderful time at my expense yesterday. 🤦🏼‍♀️

        I agree with pragmatism. That’s why I describe myself as a pragmatic eternal optimist with a touch of cynicism.

        I hope you can get an accurate diagnosis and treatment that actually helps!!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. There has been a few new additions from this afternoon. Two diagnosis that were from 2008 that l never knew about and 14 years later and my life is starting to undo.

        In 2008, it was a seriously bad year for me on so many levels, l was sooo ill, BUT l did not know that l was diagnosed with GORD or a sliding hiatus hernia – had l known that it would have made a significan difference to my health.

        it’s a bit of a mess at present, l have an endescopy on Sunday at 09.45 of which l will be sedated for as l have serious gagging issues.

        They are now looking for cancerous growths and or esophageal ulcers.

        Apparently l should have been on medication since 2008.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. I have a hiatal hernia too. Sometimes it feels like stuff gets “stuck”. I take Protonix for the reflux disease (GERD)
        I hope if they find anything, it a small ulcer that will repair with medication.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. GORD was the first diagnosis from 2008, however l suspect that what has happened is that over the last ten plus years of not being treated it has probably shifted into GERD. These attacks l have been experiencing are being classed as a serious problem now.

        Triage was mortified that l wasn’t on medication, and more mortified that l didn’t know l had been awarded the diagnosis – the problem l have is that at the time the person l was dating wasn’t always being honest with me and for the better part of 2008 prior to surgery l was out of it most of the time. I am now thinking she knew but didn’t act upon it.

        When we split the following year, the next time l saw an actual doctor was in a different town.

        Liked by 1 person

      5. The biggest problem we have in the UK is that the NHS is all over the place with their information. They were supposed to be centralising all patients’ information in 2000 but they failed to make it work. So the doctors have parts of my records, the main systems has other parts and the rest is lost.

        The nurse told me this afternoon, oh well you are IBS, and l answered, no l was IBS in 1994, they changed that to something else years later and here l am nearly 30 years on afraid to eat food.


      6. I read the whole comment thread and I’m sorry that your diagnosis of esophageal hernia or GERD weren’t conveyed to you. I hope the endoscopy reveals nothing serious. Take care.

        Liked by 1 person

      7. I am pretty sure there is no cancer, l think l have an aggressive ulcer and maybe some scarring. I am pretty upbeat, but a bit subdued too, it has all just comes as a shock to the system about the two diagnosis which l think could have saved me a lot of absolute agony over the years.

        Tomorrow will hopefully award more answers than raise more concerning questions 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m so sorry you are having to go through this, Rory, but glad to know you will be getting some answers soon. I’ll be thinking of you and wishing you the best possible outcome. 💞

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Hey Grace,

      Yes there are some answers appearing from medical staff who thought l knew these things which l didn’t as l never received formal diagnosis when they were diagnosed at the time.

      The two l was informed of yesterday by the triage nurse shocked me to the core, Knowing about them would have made a huge difference to me 14 years ago. 14 years later, not known and untreated and unmedicated and my stomach acids have burned everything.

      Now l have to try and have diagnosed what the scarring may have done.


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